I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
