I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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