I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
