some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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