toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
