yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
