i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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