I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
