I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
