so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
