I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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