So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
