yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
