11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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