we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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