my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
