smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
