Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
