But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
