I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
