I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
