You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
