i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she told me i tasted like america
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
