Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my being single is dangerous.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
