That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
