i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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