In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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