yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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