D3 body, D1 cock
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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