what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
