So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
