Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
