there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
