If that was your dad, he is hot
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
