We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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