Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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