this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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