i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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