Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
