when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
