the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
