Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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