Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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