I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
