make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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