Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
