he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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