I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
