Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
