I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
