Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He felt like a one man threesome
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
