Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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