i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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