Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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