You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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