i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
